A Thank You To You

This year has destroyed me in ways that not many know. There's very few people that know the extent of pain I've felt this year. Nonetheless, I've had an incredible support system. I owe them everything. But since I cannot give them everything, I will give them this special thank you.

Thank you to my parents.

Dad, you took my 5 a.m. calls in May when I had yet to find enough peace to be able to sleep. Though you were still healing from your own heartbreak, you found it in you to sit and listen to me cry. Your selflessness and compassion leaves me speechless. You have no idea how much those calls meant to me.

Mom, one of the greatest things you've done is validate my feelings. Recently, you reminded me that I feel grief - and it's normal for it to come and go. It's normal for it to still consume me sometimes. In a world screaming to "be positive," you reminded me that it's ok not to be ok.

Both of you gave me unlimited support during the rocky times in my life. You stood by me when I changed my closet and my hair. You helped me move out at the last minute. You were excited with me as I found a new place. You let buy as many coffees as I needed. You supported me taking a relatively unplanned vacation with friends. I'm so incredibly thankful for you. You've given me the best and then some.

Thank you to my sister and brother-in-law.

Melly, you deserve a literal award. For awhile I called you every night in the middle of the night because I was upset and even after that, you let me move in with you... and continue to let me wake you up constantly to talk or cry. I was with you during my worst, and honestly, I don't remember a lot from that time. But I do remember that night. I walked into your kitchen when you were in mid conversation with Daniel and just looked at you and shook my head. You immediately came to me, and picked me up when I tried to collapse on the floor. You carried me to the bed. Then you carried me for the next 2 months as I struggled to even simply exist. You are my absolute hero. I couldn't have made it without you. And while I'm so sorry that you had to spend so much negative time with me, I'm glad I was with you. One day I'm going to give you the world.

Daniel, I don't think you had any idea what you were getting yourself into when you agreed to let me stay with you guys. But you still let me stay. You gave advice when asked, tried to make me smile when asked, and never once judged me. I was on a walk when you passed me in the Jeep and saw I was crying. When I made it home, you told Riley that T needed a hug. And you left it at that. It was perfect. It was what I needed.

Thank you to Graycie.

As one the strongest people I know - and someone who goes through so much - you've still found ways to support me. You've always had my back no matter the circumstance. You're there to let me cry, be angry, be happy. You're there to stand up for me when I need or there to fall in the background so that I can find the power within me. When you tell me that you're proud of me, that has such a great impact on me. If the strongest woman on Earth is proud of me, then I must be doing something right. I hope one day you'll look back and smile and know that you mean everything to me.

Thank you to Kelly.

You are the queen of validating my feelings. Even when you might not "get it," you still get it somehow. We've gotten so close these last few months, and it came at the perfect time. You're always understanding that I'm not healed yet. Your love for me blows my mind, as I don't know what I've done to deserve it. In case you doubted your purpose and value: I would not be here right now if not for you. Our weekends and Monday coffee dates together make me feel like myself again. As I find the person I used to be - or the new person I am - you are always with me. It's so amazing to know that I truly and never alone. You'll always be there to metaphorically (and literally) hold my hand. I don't tell you enough how much I appreciate your friendship.

Thank you to Kielynn.

I don't even know where to begin. You have seen me at my absolute worst. You came to my apartment that night and held me. You went on a late night drive with me. You woke up every time I woke up to comfort me back to sleep. You've taken many middle of the night phone calls just to talk me through breathing exercises so that I could calm down. When I was so lost that I wasn't even myself anymore, you didn't care. You listened. You showed me compassion. You never judged. You have been a rock. My constant. Perhaps I have leaned on you a bit too much. Still, everything you've done for me and said to me is something I think of every day. I know that you have a tendency to think of yourself as a "bad friend" because you're so busy. But girl. You are an EXTRAORDINARY friend. My life wouldn't be my life without you in it.

Thank you to Madi.

Even after spending years drifted apart, we bounced right back - right at the perfect time. You always help me see the good in myself. And you always help me see the bad in others, because you know it's hard for me to see anything but good. The last 8 months or so, you've shown me time and time again that you just want to see me grow. You've greatly contributed to any growth I have made. You're my soulmate in ways that only you and I understand. You made a whole vacation happen for me, and you took such good care of me during that time in making sure I was doing what I needed to do to start to let go. Not to mention, I've been struggling ever since we rekindled our friendship and yet you've stayed and never (at least openly) grown tired of simply being in my presence. I know that whatever I need, you've got my back.

Thank you to Rachel.

You've never expected anything out of me. A lot can go unsaid between us, and yet somehow you still know. It's almost as if your empathetic heart can feel mine. I can count on you for emotional support. I can count on to never make me talk about stuff. Like I said, you just get it. I'm so glad that I have your selfless, beautiful soul in my life. You help me see the good. You help me accept the bad.

Thank you to my aunt.

Auntie Karen, you always seem to be awake when I am, which means you've gotten some pretty unexpected, sad messages from me. You simply just gave me love in return. You've dealt with so much from so many people, and you still find it in you to take it from one more. You've also greatly encouraged me on my mental health journey - which, I hope, will change my life.

Thank you to Sherrie.

You've left me for heaven now, but this wouldn't be complete without you. You never let me doubt myself. My beauty. My future. I never doubted that your love for me was unconditional. The last time I saw you, you could barely speak, and yet you still found it in you to remind everyone that I was so beautiful. You repeated "I love you" over and over again, and I think that was so I could carry all of those with me now. You were - and still are - a constant source of light and positivity in my life. And now, I know that I'm never alone because you're still cheering me on. I wish you'd have gotten to see my happy ending, but I will fight for it, for you.

Thank you to everyone else.

If you've ever told me that I look like I'm glowing or that I look like I'm doing better, you have made a huge impact on me. If you've offered words of support via text, social media, or in person, I've taken those words to heart.

I can't wait until I'm completely healed and all of your hard work will be worth it. But until then, just know how much you all mean to me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I love you.