It's a woman's world, so to speak

When I was a little girl, I watched a little too much Dateline on late-night TV at my grandparents' house. I grew up finding myself petrified of dating because I was so sure I would accidentally end up with a man who would kill me.

My biggest fear as a child was being killed by a man.

While I made a lot of excuses about why I didn't want to date, it was the biggest reason that I didn't have a serious relationship until college. And I was so careful. I was so hesitant... and still...

My first relationship was emotionally and mentally abusive. I never feared for my life with him, but I did fear I would take it myself just to escape. Like many women, I was silent.

I remained silent in 2020 when I was sexually assaulted. I recently told my best friend that the reason I never did - and still don't - talk about it wasn't necessarily because I was scared, but because it's so common that it didn't seem like something I should make a big deal about.

I nonchalantly avoid certain streets when I take walks in my neighborhood, especially if I'm wearing something "too revealing" because I know I'll get catcalled on those streets. I use what I call my boyfriend privilege to walk at night, but as I clutch him with one hand, I clutch my taser with the other.

I, like many women, have become numb. I've become numb to the fact that I've never really been free. I've never been free to live the same way *most* men do.

When I first saw the news about Roe v. Wade, I didn't feel angry. I didn't feel empowered. I felt sick, heartbroken, and helpless. I still do.

America can't be classified as the land of the free anymore (or maybe it never truly has been), but it is still home of the brave. It is home to so many brave women who get up every day despite everything inside of them that wants to sink into a hole in their beds.

That's the thing about women. We're used to living in fear. So as much as the government tries to scare us into silence and obedience, we will fight back. It's all we've done our whole lives. It's all we know.