Acceptance: The Final Stage

The five stages of grief can apply to more than just the loss of someone due to death. They apply to any kind of loss - even that of a relationship. I've been through the stages over and over again. And now, here I am - at least for now - in the final stage. It feels freeing. The old me is dead and gone forever, and I accept that. But it was anything but easy for me to get here.

Stage 1: Denial

I was definitely in this stage the longest, and strangely enough, it still makes an appearance from time to time. I remember calling him after the breakup and begging him to call it anything other than a breakup. We decided on "space to grow." When he removed my pics from his social media, I kept his up. I refused to acknowledge it as real. Even once I knew the breakup was in fact a breakup, I had my heart set that he would come back.

Stage 2: Anger

I spent the least amount of time in this stage. My heart isn't great at anger. I felt it most recently. I felt it when I learned he was back with his ex. I felt it when his friend told me just how much, and how often, he cheated on me. I felt it when I looked back at all the love I gave him and noticed that I got absolutely nothing in return. Anger is a dangerous emotion, but it's a necessary one for healing. If I hadn't let myself be angry, I never would have seen him for what he truly was... I only would've saw the man I loved.

Stage 3: Bargaining

This one goes hand-in-hand with denial. For me, I bargained by staying in contact with him for several months after the breakup. We talked; we made plans. It was if the breakup never happened (only he could go out and do whatever he wanted without feeling guilty). This was my way of keeping him. It was my sad attempt to make him think we could make it work - that I could be "better."

Stage 4: Depression

Ah, yes. I was best friends with this stage. You probably could've guessed that. I cried. So. Much. My life without him didn't seem like a life worth living. Every day was a battle. Everything reminded me of him. I have never been more sad in my entire life. Sad isn't even the right word for it. I was so overwhelmed by loving him that the loss of him was too heavy a weight for me to carry.

Stage 5: Acceptance

The thing about the 5 stages of grief is that they come and go. They cycle. I thought I made it to acceptance a few times before. But then, something would happen to trigger me and I felt like I took I giant step back (most likely into depression). As I write this now, I feel as though I've finally reached this stage to the best of my ability. Yes, it still hurts. Yes, sometimes I'm still mad. But I get it. He wasn't the one. And one day I'll get a happily ever after without him. One day, none of this will matter anymore. So, maybe I'm not over it. But I'm over him.

I should hate him. I really should. I could write a book on how much wrong he did me. He wrecked me when all I did was love him. But I don't hate him. I don't understand why he did what he did, but I don't hate him. The thing is, I grieved. I let go. I moved on, at least the best I can. I lived. I loved. I learned.

Perhaps one day 40 years from now, he will wake up and regret it all. Perhaps he will see me on top and wish he had done me better. Or maybe he won't. Maybe he will never care. That's okay. Because I accepted it - the good and the bad - and I grew.

So? What's the point? Do you really care that I reached the final stage? Do you really care about all I went through. Maybe. Maybe not. But this is important. I will soon begin a series of blogs called "what to do when...," an advice column on heartbreak. I've felt it and I've overcome it. This is my proof. Now it's time to share my story. Now it's time to teach other to free themselves from the person they thought they'd have forever - and the person they were before.