What To Do When You Can Only Remember the Good

If your relationship ended, it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. That's a fact. But post break-up, it suddenly becomes hard to see the negative aspects of the relationship. It's like you have on some kind of glasses that filter out the bad, leaving you feeling miserable at your loss of happiness.

I thought I had gotten rid of everything pertaining to my ex, but I recently came across a series of "open when..." letters that he wrote to me in October of 2018. I decided to read them. He told me how much he admired me and respected me. He told me how beautiful and strong he thought I was. For a moment, it got me in my feels.

He was so amazing, how could I lose him? We were so perfect then... what happened?

But wait. There are two important things I must remember when I read those words he once wrote.

1. He had not been that version of himself in a long time. In fact, I had forgotten he was ever that kind and open with his feelings. This was not who he was when he left. I hadn't seen that version in over a year.

2. I didn't know it then, of course, but he was cheating on me with his ex at the time that he wrote that. That is not the "respect" that he claimed to have for me.

Putting things into their true perspective sucks. It hurts. You want to remember it as good because it's easier. Because then you don't have to make excuses for why you stayed.

In any relationship, there are purely wonderful moments. I can even think of a few. But I can also think of several that are seemingly "good" to the outside, but were spoiled by factors I kept to myself. It's been hard to accept this, because again, it sucks. But I have to.

Your brain wants you to remember the good. The love that you have/had for that person wants you to remember the good. You have to make the conscious choice not to forget the good, but instead to see things as they truly were.

I would love to sit here and say that my relationship was perfectly happy and we just weren't right for each other. But he didn't fight. He didn't commit. I gave him the world while he only gave me small pieces of himself. So despite every wonderful memory I have, I must remember this.

Loving someone should not hurt you.

The person they were when they broke you is the person they truly are.

You have to accept both the good and the bad to truly ever heal.

Healing is hard. Letting go is hard. Forgiving is hard. Remembering is hard.

I know how much it hurts to remember the pain and wrong doings when all you wanted to do was love then. But you must. That is how you will truly see your worth.